


As seen from down a flight of marble stairs

by MadHatter13



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angua can be real cranky sometimes, Friendly sarcasm, Newspaper OT3, OT3, Other, POV Outsider, Polyamory, Sally doesn't get paid enough for this, the Times' staff are a bunch of nerdy workaholics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:47:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2463872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadHatter13/pseuds/MadHatter13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sergeant Sally tries to explain non-conventional relationships to one very possessive werewolf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As seen from down a flight of marble stairs

 

No-one gossips like a Watchman, and with the scheming of the extended Lavish family, those standing guard in and around the Royal Bank spent a lot of time technically not doing anything at all. Thus people-watching was an ever-welcome distraction from boredom as bystanders and interested parties turned up. Frequently they had the same hope as the guards: For something interesting to happen.

                But there hadn’t been much to look at, not since the Lavishes had been lead away a few days earlier, each of them making loud proclamations about lawyers. Now, there was just the occasional gaggle of curious travelers[1] also known as tourists. And the daily arrival of the newspaper crew to catch a picture for the still mandatory page 2 article[2].

                ‘I don’t know why she puts up with it.’

                Sergeant Sally, who lounged dashingly against a handy faux-Ephebian column, squinted at her superior. She had been interrupted during the popular vampire past-time of looking entirely disinterested in the world while in fact watching every single thing that happened carefully. ‘Hm?

                Captain Angua gestured with her head toward a rather more deserted portion of the street in front of the building, where a couple of men were standing, one in rather erratic clothing indicating his profession was messing around[3] with iconographs. ‘ _That_.’

                The Corporal blinked, languidly. ‘Okay, I’m afraid you’ve totally lost me, Cap.’

                Angua resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but the impression that she had hung in the air anyway for some time. ‘I thought _you_ were the one who couldn’t keep out of people’s business? I’m talking about Sacharissa Cripslock – technically ‘de Worde’ if anyone thought for a moment she’d answer to the name. I don’t see why she,’ the Captain continued, enunciating exaggeratedly. ‘Would put up with, well. Them.’ This was followed by another complicated head-gesture toward the working men.

                Slowly, an exquisitely formed eyebrow climbed Sally’s forehead. ‘...I think she doesn’t mind Otto being a vampire? I mean, from what he’s told me it was never an issue when they hired him –‘

                ‘Oh, for howling out loud,’ snapped the Captain. ‘I’m not being specist here, I’m over –‘ she edited the sentence to a slightly more believable form. ‘- _working_ on that. I’m asking why she puts up with de Worde having an affair with the _Times_ ’ head iconographer!’

                ‘Ah,’ said the Corporal. Then again, rather more definitely, ‘ _Ah_.’

                ‘Are you sure you’re... assessing the situation correctly?’ Sally finally asked.

                ‘What do you mean? Look, I can smell what they’re thinking, for gods’ sakes. I mean, right _now_ , they’re completely absorbed with whatever they’re doing – can you say workaholic?[4] But they’ve obviously been getting up to something. It’s none of my business who people choose to get involved with[6], but they’ve been married for just over a year and already de Worde’s looking for love in all the wrong places? And it doesn’t make Chriek look all too good either, considering everything they’ve done for him.’ She sniffed. ‘I can’t help feeling sorry for Sacharissa. But you know what she’s like – she wouldn’t just _put up_ with something like this if she knew.’

                ‘What do you mean _if_?’

                ‘Look, Otto’s still corporeal, and de Worde’s still alive, so I think it’s pretty safe to assume she doesn’t.’

                Silently, Sally von Humpeding looked at the ceiling and wondered how Angua, who she knew was a very competent police officer, could be so selectively oblivious at times. At last, she said, ‘She knows.’

                ‘What? How do _you_ know?’

                ‘Uh, because I know Otto? We share just a few attributes? We sit in cafés sometimes and talk about Black Ribboner things no-one else wants to listen to when our time off matches up?’

                Angua, clearly affronted that her friend knew such a juicy piece of gossip and hadn’t bothered to share[7], made a face half-way between a frown and a scrunched nose[8]. ‘Very well – did he care to share anything else with you, since you’ve apparently been confiding in each other?’

                Sally resisted the urge to bash her own head against the column[9]. Normally she enjoyed sniping back at her friend, but sometimes she was just impossible to deal with. But she couldn’t begrudge her utterly; after all, the moon would be unusually strong tonight, which meant she was crankier than usual.

                Patiently, she said ‘She is aware, because de Worde also isn’t the only one having additional relationships.’

                ‘So they’re cheating on _each other_?’

                Sally sighed, and decided insinuation wasn’t going to cut it. ‘They’re _both_ with Otto.’

                Angua blinked. Then she made a face, the kind she often did when a particular scent seemed familiar but she was unable to put a name to it. Sally grinned, certain she’d get it now.

                ‘So they’re cheating on each other _with the same person?_ ’

                Apparently not.

                ‘Oh, for the love of Anoia!’[10] This time she really did bump her head against the column[11], and turned to fully face the disgruntled Captain. ‘Look, they are all in a mutual, loving relationship _with each other_. From what I’ve heard, and I hope I don’t have to tell you not to spread it around, because it’s _their_ business, they’ve been that way even before William and Sacharissa got married. They just didn’t think it worth the trouble of finding a someone willing to preside over a group marriage[12].

                Angua wrinkled her nose again, expression sliding from ‘confounded’ to merely ‘bewildered’, but with a side of ‘chagrin’, which told Sally she was far from through the woods yet. Then she made a face. ‘Can’t imagine... _sharing,_ like that.’

                **_You_** _wouldn’t,_ Sally thought, recalling the occasionally unhealthy levels of attachment she had for a certain ginger Watchman. _‘Sharing’ only works in the context if you imagine actually owning the other person_. But she knew it was just another thing the Captain was working at, so she didn’t comment.[14]

                She settled for, ‘Just because something wouldn’t work out for you, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for other people. I don’t see you giving Cheery grief for how she styles her beard.’

                ‘Well, I can’t exactly grow one on demand, can I?’

                ‘No, just as you can’t imagine engaging personally with more than one party at a time. But I’m thinking the latter will come easier, at least in theory, since it’s got nothing to do with morphology.’

                They watched the scene down below. Otto was packing up the tools of his profession, while de Worde was scribbling distractedly in a notebook. A little further down the street, Miss Cripslock emerged from around a corner, and caught sight of the two men, who were utterly engaged in their work still. The two watchwomen... watched, as she strode down the pavement to meet them, taking her husband by the elbow before he could even notice her and giving him a kiss on the cheek. He looked momentarily confused, and then smiled, remarkably bashful for someone known primarily for his honesty. The photophilic vampire, instead of looking jealous, beamed like only someone with quite noticeable fangs can, and together the three prepared to leave.

                ‘I still don’t understand,’ Angua admitted[15].

                ‘That’s alright, for now. Just don’t hassle them over it.’

                Angua looked affronted. ‘I wouldn’t! It’s none of my business, anyway.’

                Her companion simply gave her a Look.

                The werewolf shrugged, grudgingly. ‘Fine.’

                ‘Listen. If you had _really_ followed your nose instead of just making snap judgements, you would have seen it right away.’

                ‘Seen what?

                Sally gestured wildly[21]. ‘Do they look unhappy to you?’

                Captain Angua looked down again at the scene, and then away. ‘No, I don’t suppose they do.’

                Sally grinned, and at last they dropped the subject. Well, at least she’d have something to chat about with Otto next time they met over coffee.

 

* * *

 

[1]Lead by enterprising young people saying things such as ‘and here you can see a continuously smoking crater, what is all that’s left off where Mister Hong set up his Three Jolly Luck Take-Away Fish Bar at the site of the former fish-god temple and opened on the night of a full moon and a lunar eclipse at the winter solistice. Questions after the tour are a half-penny extra and try not to step on anything that moves too much.‘

[2] Which would report that nothing new had happened since they’d last reported on it.

[3]At least it qualified as a mess from her point of view.

[4] Sally tactfully chose not to comment, given the fact that her[5] friend actually _lived_ in the same building as she worked.

[5] Somewhat reluctant.

[6] A phrase frequently used by people who then proceeded to _make_ it their business.

[7] While also wishing to keep her respectability as Captain and not appearing to be the kind of person who would be interested in said juicy gossip.

[8] Which is highly entertaining on the face of a normally deadpan werewolf.

[9] Or someone’s head, at any rate.

[10] Who recently had taken up the additional mantle as the Goddess of Lost Causes.

[11] But gently – just because vampires are very nearly indestructible, it doesn’t mean they’re particularly thrilled about pain, either.

[12] Although, and this she did not divulge to her friend, according to Otto, de Worde had had a Worde[13] with the Patrician who, owing him at least a small favour, agreed to the concession that the spousal privileges granted to William himself and Sacharissa by law would in fact be extended between the three of them, a fact they preferred to keep to themselves

[13] Har-de-har.

[14] A currently on-the-wagon vampire would be the last person to throw stones about other people’s personal habits.

[15] Although she found that the recollection that an iconograph published in the _Tanty Bugle_ [16][17] of the ceremony where the groom and the best man wore matching suits made so much sense now.

[16] Which, surprisingly, reported on not just ‘orrid murders and unusually sized fruit but also on the still-growing marriage ‘industry.’

[17] No-one at the _Times_ office, including the owners, thought the marriage was interesting or important enough to let it take up valuable newspaper space[18].

[18] And, of course, William took every possible opportunity to annoy his father. It was bad enough, the senior de Worde thought, marrying a common engraver’s daughter – but a small private ceremony[19] attended by a relatively unknown priestess? You might as well renounce your wealth and become one with the squabbling masses.[20]

[19] To which he was not invited.

[20] Which William already had, but it’s the principle of the matter.

[21] An unusually undignified expression for a vampire.

**Author's Note:**

> Taking my cue from the L-Space wiki, which states Sally has been promoted to Captain by the time of Science of Discworld IV. Actually not really sure quite when this takes place, but let’s assume it takes place just after Making Money, and Angua and Sally are the head officers on shift while some of the more interesting stuff is going on with the bank.


End file.
